dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
