please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
