Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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