What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
