You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
