ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
