I'm gonna have a badass scar
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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