Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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