Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
