Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
