Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
