Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
