Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
