My liver just broke up with me...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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