tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
