so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
