I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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