Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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