I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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