Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
