Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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