I am in a vortex of obligation.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
