Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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