FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
