I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
