Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
