Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
