Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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