Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
