You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
