Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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