eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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