I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
