I think my vagina is haunted
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
