I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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