If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
