if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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