ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
