My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
