i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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