he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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