I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
