Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
