I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
