I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
