Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
