All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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