It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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