So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
