wrigley field is MILF paradise
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
