what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
