I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
