While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
