Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
