Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
