i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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