I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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