Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Boobs are out for the taking
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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