that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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