She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
