Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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