I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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